DAILY BYTE: "At today’s rate, by 2025, 1 in 2 children will be autistic... 'the toxic chemicals that I have identified are connected to autism'... glyphosate.... the single most prominent chemical that’s responsible for the epidemic..."
THE DAILY SPAM REPORTING FROM THE YEAR 2046:
With 100% of the nation's children now autistic, and with 100% of health researchers who attempted to expose the truth now either dead or missing, American adults have stopped reproducing entirely for fear of producing an austistic child.
As a result, native U.S. birth rates have collapsed to near zero.
In a bid to repopulate the nation, President-For-Life Chelsea Clinton-Rothschild in a speech to the United Nations has called for immigrants the world over to move to America, no documentation required and all expenses paid, to take advantage of the new Limitless Income For Everyone (LIFE) Act.
Critics point out that opening the immigration floodgates to people from nations like Afghanistan, Albania, Algeria, Angola, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bangladesh, Barbados, Belarus, Benin, Bhutan, Bolivia, Botswana, Bulgaria, Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon, Cape Verde, Chad, Comoros, Croatia, Côte d'Ivoire, Djibouti, Ecuador, El Salvador, Eritrea, Ethiopia, Gabon, Gambia, Ghana, Guatemala, Guinea, Guyana, Haiti, Honduras, India, Indonesia, Jamaica, Kazakhstan, Kenya, Kiribati, Kyrgyzstan, Laos, Lesotho, Liberia, Madagascar, Malawi, Mali, Mauritania, Moldova, Mongolia, Montenegro, Mozambique, Myanmar, Namibia, Nauru, Nepal, Nicaragua, Niger, Nigeria, Oman, Pakistan, Palau, Papua New Guinea, Paraguay, Rwanda, Saint Lucia, Samoa, Senegal, Serbia, Sierra Leone, Solomon Islands, South Sudan, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Suriname, Syria, Tajikistan, Tanzania, The Republic of Congo, Timor-Leste, Togo, Tonga, Tunisia, Turkmenistan, Tuvalu, Uganda, Uzbekistan, Vanuatu, Vietnam, Yemen, Zambia and Zimbabwe, many of which have no running water, poor sanitation, high crime rates and diseases against which native Americans have no immunity, might not be a good idea.
Tweeting from the island nation of Forvik this morning, irredeemable cultural critic, Stubby Candles has suggested that the last real American to leave the country "just turn out the light."
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