THE DAILY SPAM REPORTING FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.
In a stunning turnaround certain to rewrite the history books, the Internal Revenue Service today announced its plans to return 100% of income taxes paid by Americans since 1913.
Said agency spokesperson, Levy Liengold, “It’s the least we can do. This charade has been going on for too long. It’s been very, er, taxing on us and our consciences simply cannot stand the strain. It’s time to come clean.”
“Yes, it’s true that there would be no need for an income tax if Americans weren’t indentured to pay interest to dynastic foreign banking families for lending us our money supply, and we do want to thank them for their years of continued service.
“But frankly, the buck has to stop somewhere, and my office door is as good as anywhere. I’m sure Congress can cook up some other scheme to appropriate the trillions they’ll need for the list of bailouts, invasions and give-aways on the upcoming 2020 legislative calendar.
According to the D.C. coroner’s report, Mr. Liengold shot himself in the head with a high-powered rifle three times, then dragged his body to a river and threw himself in. The coroner was contacted to explain this unusual finding, but he appears to have entered the Witness Protection Program.
The Rothschilds were contacted on the matter at their Geneva, Switzerland castle and have declined to comment. The next morning your editor awoke to find a goat’s head on his bed. All data files here at The Daily SPAM have been bit bleached and we promise not to bring this up again.
Americans should plan to continue paying income tax until notified otherwise.
THE DAILY SPAM: Every April 15th, Americans suck it up and file a tax return according to their legal understanding of “voluntary compliance.”
But law is never voluntary. That’s why they call it law. Otherwise, it would be a suggestion. They’d have to rename the Internal Revenue Code, the “Internal Revenue Request.”
Calling tax compliance “voluntary” is like calling rape “romantic.” Can you feel the love?
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