THE DAILY SPAM REPORTING FROM THE HOT TUB:
Tired of talking to the same old God every day? Are you sure He's even listening? Thinking it might be time to "change the channel?"
For those who grow weary of worshiping the same brand of religion all these years and would like to get behind the wheel of something a little more... colorful?
Please allow us to introduce to you The Church of The Hole-y D(o)nut.
As their website inform us they're "the world's one-and-only universal, all-loving, hell and torture-free, user friendly, gender neutral, all-species inclusive, non-discriminatory, 24-hour drive thru, and most important of all... tasty religious movement."
Sounds good to us!
As a practicing Donutarian you receive a wide range of exciting ecumenical services, like Instant Indulgences, Stick-On Stigmata and their one-of-a-kind Rapid Religious Conversion Kit which they explain as follows:
"Say you're a nice Methodist boy and somehow (...and this would be a miracle!) you've landed a date with a hot Jewish chick.
"What do you know about Judaism? Right, about as much as a Catholic priest knows about the missionary position.
"So you download our Rapid Judaism Conversion Kit which comes with a paper yarmulke, a plot summary of The Merchant Of Venice, and a portrait of Jesus suitable for framing - except of course with his face all blurred out (the Mel Gibson option) - and faster than you can say, "Chosen!", you're an instant Jew.
Careful though, conversion only lasts for four hours and you don't want to get caught reading the Bible back at her place at 2:00AM!"
So if cans, meters, hymnals and special clothing aren't your cup of hemlock, perhaps it's time to convert?
And be sure to tell Dr. J. Darwin Godley that we sent you. Pssst... if you don't hear back from Doc right away, he's very likely in the hot tub with his personal assistant, Candy, and working on something stimulating together for his next sermon as she handles his dictation.
And for the latest in liturgical guidance that's sure to grease the skids for your journey into the afterlife, pick up a copy of Doc Godley's new book, "The Hole-y Donut: One Collection Plate, All Religions," now available at Amazon.
DISCLAIMER: No clergy were harmed or injured during the writing of this blog post. Offer not available in all political jurisdictions. Your afterlife results may vary. Incense not included.
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