(AD) DATELINE MILFORD, NEW HAMPSHIRE: An area resident has developed a seamless method of transforming fiat currencies into actual metallic gold, in a modern proof of alchemy that is certain to have Isaac Newton spinning in his grave.
Explains veteran currency trader, Gordon Philips, “It’s really not too complex. And you don’t need a spinning wheel or a farmer’s daughter.
“First, we win more currency trades than we lose and accumulate what are called pips in our trading account. Pips are valued in your local fiat currency, in my case in U.S. dollars, and appear as shimmering blips on your brokerage screen which might look like this: "$1,000.00."
“Next we transfer some electronic blips back to our local bank, typically via fiber optic lines, where we stop by the ATM (sunglasses and ski mask optional) to withdraw some paper Jacksons*.
[* HISTORICAL SIDEBAR: President Andrew Jackson was an ardent foe of the foreign moneyed power which, having failed during the War of Independence to retain the American colonies as outposts of their global system of usury, sponsored a second invasionary force (the War of 1812) in which a younger Jackson distinguished himself as a hero.
A century later, in 1913 when priggish presidents could no longer separate a squirrel from his nuts at 100 yards using nothing but black powder and a mini ball, this same vampire cartel succeeded in the economic assimilation of America with the slippery creation of their Federal Reserve System, and now display "Old Hickory" on their $20 bill as one would mount a deer head on the wall.
If you learned American history from your gym teacher, we hope this clears things up!]
Philips resumes, “Finally, we take some Jacksons to the office of a local precious metals dealer (...or meet out behind the barn) where we exchange these intrinsically worthless, fiat debt coupons for real money.
"From pips to blips to paper to gold, the entire process is magical and can be accomplished only by high level initiates.
"Only kidding, anyone can do it. Learn how at Wealth Science University. See you on the other side."
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